David Rockwell
Our Friends and Neighbors
by David Rockwell
Our Friends and Neighbors is “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” of Social Networking.
Social media has become a nearly universal experience. We reach out to aliens through a website called SubSpacelink.org. One morning, the romantically challenged Brian Wyatt posts a simple statement to the site: “Brian Wyatt is alone in the Universe”. A larksome alien, identifying himself only as Galrick of Mars, responds and asks to borrow a cup of sugar.
Humanity does what it does best. It panics.
Government agents attempt to arrest Brian and some of his friends to try to make sense of this pandemonium. Galrick steals a ship to rescue them. A warship is sent to stop him. We, in an informational vacuum, conclude they are invading.
Emerging from this chaos, the newly sworn in President of the United States bravely attempts to calm people by going into space to greet these strange new visitors. As she makes first contact, more aliens arrive in the solar system. They are seeking revenge against our new neighbors. In a desperate battle to save the fleet and humanity, Galrick, Brian and the President are forced to make a decision that will change life for everyone on Earth.
Arielle: When the alien asks to borrow a cup of sugar, I fell in love with this book! That is such a great line. The intimacy between the lonely human and the alien in this moment come to life in a very ET way. Bravo. But I am confused by elements of this pitch. If social media is universal and we regularly reach out to aliens, why does humanity panic after this alien gets in touch? The setup doesn’t relate to the second half of the pitch.
David: This is a really fun idea for a story. And it plays wonderfully on this fear that we all have of being alone in the universe. And how we’d love to prove that we’re not by connecting with someone from a galaxy far far away. I don’t think you should use the comparable titles of the beginning. Again, I would save those for the end. And I don’t think you need to tell us that social media has become a nearly universal experience. The pitch doesn’t really start for me until “One morning, the romantically challenged…” I just like the way you write. “Humanity does what it does best. It panics.” I love this kind of declarative sentence. It’s very good. What I don’t get out of this pitch is the sense of who Brian and Galrick are. What kind of relationship do they form? What are these aliens from other planets like? The end of the pitch is almost there, but not quite, IMHO. I want to know graphically what the consequences of failure will be. What exactly are the stakes?
Amy
March 5, 2012 @ 10:30 pm
…speaking of social media….
Jeanie
March 6, 2012 @ 6:39 am
Great story idea! It should start with Brian’s post, and the cozy cup of sugar. That’s what pulled me in. The preliminary explanation about social media is more like a Newsweek article. I believe the reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide is a description of the story to come, not part of the story. “Humanity does what it does best. It panics.” I LOVE that line! The insanity that ensues sounds like a fun read. I was confused about how this interglactic social media thing could exist without a prior first contact, that needs to be ironed out or altered. I want to know more about what kind of relationship develops between Brian and Galrick. It sounds like it could be a romance, but I don’t think that was intended. I want to read the whole story!
Lucas
March 9, 2012 @ 11:07 pm
This one wins my vote.
The pitch needs some tweaking (and The Book of Jobs is breathing down its neck), but the idea is fantastic. There is a flavor to the pitch that I am convinced will resonate in the book.
Help this fellow out, Book Doctors!
An idea like this deserves a break.
Danyelle C. Overbo
March 13, 2012 @ 7:59 pm
I agree, the borrowing a cup of sugar is priceless! I did get a little confused too by the fact that the pitch states we set up a way to communicate with aliens, but then panic when they answer. Also, I think the answering his post about being alone in the universe is SO Hitchhikers Guide, and I love it. So too is the part about “Humanity does what it does best, it panics.” However, I’m still hung up on this site set up to talk to aliens. I mean, if there was such a thing, even something meant to be kitchy and not-real (as the panicking humanity leads me to believe it is), I think it would be swarmed with comments by all sorts of teenagers saying the same thing. I want to know why Brian Wyatt is so special, what about his message makes him so unique, that the alien decides to talk to him of all people on that site? All in all, I get a strong feel for your voice, and I like it!
David Rockwell
April 2, 2012 @ 11:06 am
Hi All –
Glad I circled back to post a link to my new blog for Amy, Jeanie and Lucas (if you all see these). Welcome Danyelle! Glad you all like the pitch. I’m working on clarifying that Subspacelink.org is new and this is our very first contact with aliens which is why we all freak out when the alien’s post goes viral. I’m also strengthening the relationship between Rick (Galrick) and Brian (in the book and in the pitch). Feel free to follow the blog (http://rockwellwritebetter.blogspot.com/) and my progress on the book. I’m also on Twitter (@MineGoes211).
Thanks to everyone who voted.
Cheers,
Dave
Beverly Wells
September 19, 2012 @ 4:27 pm
Definitely keep the borrowing of a cup of sugar–we all agree it is Priceless–it made me giggle. I too really liked “Humanity does what it does best. It panics.” That too is terrific. I also agree in the pitch you should tell why the Galrick answersBrian and also why Brian feels so alone. Just a few short words would pull us in to the pitch. Of course now after saying this I must go to your blog and see how and what you’ve changed since these last postings.
Mark Payton
September 22, 2012 @ 12:40 pm
To the points made above. It is correct that it is a bit vague on the connection between having the social site and the sudden panic. I also agree with everybody in that the line about everybody panicking is perfect. I loved the line. I am a veteran and a lover of history. If there is one thing we humans do is react. We may plan for something – but when it actually comes to pass all the planning seems to go out the window. We also love to blow things way out of proportion. So the whole story line resonates well. As you mentioned, David, you are tweeking the pitch to make it clearer. So I look forward to seeing the new one. Hope to see you sometime at the writers group. To talk to a fellow sci fi nut. Get your take on my projects. Anyway. Want to see more.