by A. N. Steiner
Narai wakes from a coma to find the Earth destroyed, everyone she’d ever known gone. At least she has her health … permanently. Experimental nanobots have saved her life and given her a prosthetic immune system worth killing for.
Too bad the technology that healed Narai was destroyed along with the Earth. Now a sadistic doctor is determined to take her apart and find out what makes her tick. And when he’s done, a shady military organization wants to remake her into a mindless weapon.
Worst of all, Narai’s starting to have serious doubts about herself. How many inhuman abilities can you have before you stop being human? Then again, all the people in her new life have betrayed her and her only loyal friend has four legs and fur. Given the choice, does she even want to be human? Can she outsmart her pursuers long enough to find out?
New Leaves is space opera with a soul, a thrilling chase across galaxies combined with a desperate search for belonging.
Arielle: The second line of this pitch got me. It’s funny, interesting and a real twist on what we all say all the time. I find the entire pitch intriguing, until we get to the last two lines of the third paragraph. When you write, “does she even want to be human?” you give away that she isn’t. And “Can she outsmart her pursuers long enough to find out” feels generic to me, as does “a thrilling chase across galaxies combined with a desperate search for belonging.” I know you can be more original… because you are throughout the rest of the pitch!
David: This has the wonderful feeling of a Philip K Dick story. Where a human being has been altered against their will, and then has to pay the consequences. And the basic questions it asks about what makes us human seem very profound and philosophical, without being didactic because they’re presented in the context of this high-stakes story. And I love that her only loyal friend has four legs and fur. Space opera with soul. That’s great. It really leads me to believe that you are a writer. I don’t quite understand though how exactly her prosthetic immune system works. I’d like to know more about our villain. I don’t have enough details to really hate him yet. I guess I’d like to know a little bit more about our heroine’s hopes dreams and aspirations as well. I don’t think the title is quite as good as the story. But I really did enjoy this pitch very much.