If I Dare by Bárbara Thomé
It’s Prudence Crawford’s sixteenth birthday, but instead of having a party, she gets to meet a creepy guy named Jeffrey Han, to help organize a new deal for her father – crime boss Lionel “The Enforcer” Crawford.
Prudence can’t stomach being a part of the family’s business, but she loves her father, and disobeying him isn’t something she dares to do. That is, until she inadvertently falls in love with Logan, the mysterious boy behind intense blue eyes who gives her the birthday celebration she has never had. Prudence has a strange connection with Logan, and by the time she finds out Logan is the heir of the Montgomery family, it’s too late, and she can’t seem to stay away from him.
The Montgomerys are one of the five families which, along with the Crawfords, split San Francisco among themselves, forming the Crime Cartel. Except the Montgomerys and the Crawfords are sworn enemies, and the peace agreement that has prevented war amid the families may easily be breached.
Now Prudence has to choose between true love and family, a choice made more dangerous by the involvement of members of the organized crime, her father’s pressing new deal and her continuous meetings with Jeffrey Han. When every person around you is ready to fight and carries a gun, it’s hard to know who to trust. Prudence must figure that out, and fast, before the lives of everyone she cares about are at risk.
In Prudence’s story, Romeo and Juliet meets The Godfather.
The Book Doctors:
We love the idea of this book–the starcrossed lovers of Romeo and Juliet and the organized crime of the Godfather. Fabulous mix! But we don’t quite get a sense of your voice in this pitch. It all feels generic. At the beginning of the pitch, you tell us our heroine is around some guy who’s creepy. We don’t know what that means. Show us with word pictures. Dazzle me with your ability to put words together to show me a creepy guy in a way we’ve never seen before. And try to avoid clichés like, “intense blue eyes”. Again, this is your opportunity to dazzle us with what a brilliant writer you are. In many cases, the pitch is the only piece of writing agents/editors will see because if they don’t like your pitch, they won’t ask for me. Lastly, your stakes are really high, but there’s not enough detail at the end to give us a sense of just what kind of danger she’s in. Gives us some deets!