The Alpha Killer
by Stephanie McKnight aka Matty Reyes-Wrier
As FBI field agents rush all over the Crescent City to save the killer’s next victims, SAS James Colt searches wildly for an IT security analyst known only by a code against a monster who draws unprotected women into a deadly game that the FBI and NOPD intend to stop on the streets of New Orleans at any cost. When murdered co-workers mark her by a hidden node address, she is suddenly in the FBI’s cross hairs!
With a colleague wrongly accused and her daughter kidnaped, Samantha’s only hope is to prove her coworkers’ innocence and find the real murderer! But when the killer gets wind of the closing net around him, Samantha’s path is marked for detonation. Sam is set on a collision course with one of the bureau’s deadliest and fastest serial killers, as Special Agent Colt accompanies her on an international thrill ride to catch a killer. In Rio de Janeiro, paradise proves all is not smooth sailing–even in Eden.
Against all odds, she must ID the killer’s signature. Beyond firewalls and social nets, however, other dangers await. As bodies stack up and killer appetites increase, Sam must turn the tide on exploiters, kidnappers, and murderers
Arielle: New Orleans and Rio de Janeiro in one book? Woohoo! What fabulous settings. I’m thinking movie. Unfortunately, I’m very confused by this pitch. Who is the IT security analyst? Is he the serial killer? Who is the “her” in the clause “When murdered co-workers mark her”? In paragraph two, we’re introduced to Samantha. Is she one of the people in the first paragraph? If so, she needs to be named the first time she is brought up. And who is the protagonist: Samantha or Agent Colt? Lastly, two very important notes: 1) This pitch was 214 words long. That’s why there’s not period at the end—we eliminated the last 14 words. Most contests will simply eliminate your entry if you don’t follow the rules. We developed Pitchapalooza to help people improve their chances of getting published, not to demolish them. So we kept this pitch in. But please pay very close attention to the rules and guidelines! 2) There is a spelling error that Microsoft Word picked up. Do you see it? Misspellings, for many agents and editors, are treated the same as submissions that don’t follow guidelines. They go in the trash. Don’t let this happen to you! Get your work proofread by someone other than you before sending it in!
David: This has a very nice freewheeling, globetrotting style to it, kind of James Bondy, modern noir/thriller. However, there are several problems with this pitch. I don’t really get involved with any of these characters. I don’t feel myself emotionally engaged in rooting for Samantha or Agent Colt. And the way you introduce characters is very confusing. “When murdered coworkers mark her…” Is she Samantha? Is there any relationship between her and Colt? And again, there’s too much tell and not enough show. “International thrill ride to catch a killer.” You need to show me some word pictures of how your international thrill ride is different from the other millions of international thrill rides the world has seen.